Friday, June 16, 2006

Ten Ways To Annoy Your Fellow Passengers

New York Vacation
Originally uploaded by pookie_san99.

A quick list of ways to frustrate and annoy your fellow travellers...

1.At the security checks forget to remove all coins,keys and other metal objects from your pockets.Apologise,explaining it must be the steel plate inserted in your head.

2.Once you have found your seat after the third attempt immediately tilt it back so your head is sitting in the lap of the passenger in the row behind.Apologise,while complaining about the lack of foot room these days.

3.Once airborne select the classical or rock music channel and hum along to the tunes all the while drumming your fingers rhymthically on your adjustable tray or tapping your feet against the seat in front of you.My personal music choice either the "William Tell Overture" or Pink Floyds"Wish you were Here".

4.Exclaim loudly to the passenger beside you that you've already seen the films to be screened and they are all crap.

5.Go to the toilet just before meals or refreshments are served.Or just as the passenger beside you has been and has just sat down and readjusted their seat belt,cushion and rug.Alternatively wait till the passenger has fallen asleep.Bonus points if you do this during a period of turbulence for maximum confusion and annoyance.

6.Recommend that your fellow passengers dont try one of the available meal options as last time you had food poisoning and a bad case of diarrhoea.Ensure you speak in a loud voice so all the passengers in your section hear.
Sit back as those who have already made their selection shift uncomfortably in their seats and scramble to change their meal choice.

7.Play with the light switch above your head turning it on and off periodically to see if it still works.This is particularly effective on night flights to disturb those around you trying to sleep.
Alternatively move the window shade up and down periodically if you are in a window seat to check its still dark outside.

8.See 7) above.Play with the air vent above your head.Adjust it so it blows cold air on your fellow passengers.

9.On finding your seat immediately place both arms on the arm rests.
This is particularly important if you're in seat B or E (the centre seats) where elbow room is at a premium.

10.Inflate the airsick bag and then pop it loudly.You'll be surprised by the reaction around you particularly on a night flight.
Alternatively fill the bag with the potato or pasta salad from your meal and hand it to the flight attendant.Again bonus points are given if you do this in a period of turbulence as you gingerly try to pass the bag over the heads of your nervous looking fellow passengers..


Anonymous said...

I think I've sat next to you on a flight before.

tim said...

Its quite possible....
If you were the sleeping passenger, whose vegetarian meal I said I ordered and ate, because I couldnt wait for the regular ones to arrive then I apologise.